Everybody Sing!

There's nothing quite so engaging as a bunch of people sitting around on a front porch singing. So in that time-honored tradition I offer a couple songs of my own composition that we all might sing together. I've even brought Harriet, the happy housewife, out of retirement to lead us.

In order that we all sing the same tune to these songs, as say, six of you singing to the tune of Happy Birthday and twelve of you singing to the tune of We Are The Champions would just be too confusing, I have thoughtfully parodied two familiar songs, They Call The Wind Mariah and Somewhere Over the Rainbow. I'm sure you're all familiar with these old standards and if you're not, well, just listen, you'll probably catch on by the second verse.

Right then, let's sing. All together now...

Mariah
(sung to the tune of They Call The Wind Mariah, with ethereal echoes)

When I was young I named my parts,
My nose was Jeremiah.
One leg was Tess, an elbow Joe
And I called my chin Mariah.

Mariah was my favorite part, of this there’s no denyin’.
My other parts could not compete, I tell you I’m not lyin’.

Mariah (Mariah)
Mariah (Mariah)
I called my chin Mariah.

After many years of therapy--
The best that cash could buy ya’,
And now I’m grown, Mariah says,
“It won’t be long til they untie ya’.”

“Untie ya.” (Untie ya)
“Untie ya.” (Untie ya)
“The shrinks they will untie ya.”

So now they say that I am cured--
No more an odd pariah.
If you don’t think that this is true,
Just ask my friend Mariah.

Mariah (Mariah)
Mariah (Mariah)
I call my chin Mariah.

Mar-iii-ah!
Mariah (Mariah)
I call---my chin---Mariah.

There now, wasn't that fun? Ready for another? Good. Only this time, Harriet would like to hear a little more from the tenor section, you're a bit weak. And sopranos, watch your pitch please, you tend to be sharp on the high notes.

Somewhere Overembellish
(sung to the tune of Somewhere Over the Rainbow)

Somewhere overembellish
Adverbs fly.
Adjectives that you dare to write
Really clarify.

Someday I’ll write the perfect line
That editors cannot malign,
They’ll loove me.
They’ll offer me a big advance.
My agent she will do a dance
Because they looooove me.

Somewhere overembellish
Adverbs fly.
Adjectives that you dare to write
Really clarify.

If happy little adverbs fly
Upon the pages,
Whyyyyy, oh, whyyyyy cannnnnnn’t I?

I don't know about you, but I got a little misty on that last one. I guess I'm just an old softy. Well, this has been swell, hasn't it? We'll have to do it again sometime. You bring the comb and waxed paper, Harriet will make iced tea.