Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Everybody Sing!

There's nothing quite so engaging as a bunch of people sitting around on a front porch singing. So in that time-honored tradition I offer a couple songs of my own composition that we all might sing together. I've even brought Harriet, the happy housewife, out of retirement to lead us.

In order that we all sing the same tune to these songs, as say, six of you singing to the tune of
Happy Birthday and twelve of you singing to the tune of We Are The Champions would just be too confusing, I have thoughtfully parodied two familiar songs, They Call The Wind Mariah and Somewhere Over the Rainbow. I'm sure you're all familiar with these old standards and if you're not, well, just listen, you'll probably catch on by the second verse.

Right then, let's sing. All together now...

(sung to the tune of They Call The Wind Mariah, with ethereal echoes)

When I was young I named my parts,
My nose was Jeremiah.
One leg was Tess, an elbow Joe
And I called my chin Mariah.

Mariah was my favorite part, of this there’s no denyin’.
My other parts could not compete, I tell you I’m not lyin’.

Mariah (Mariah)
Mariah (Mariah)
I called my chin Mariah.

After many years of therapy--
The best that cash could buy ya’,
And now I’m grown, Mariah says,
“It won’t be long til they untie ya’.”

“Untie ya.” (Untie ya)
“Untie ya.” (Untie ya)
“The shrinks they will untie ya.”

So now they say that I am cured--
No more an odd pariah.
If you don’t think that this is true,
Just ask my friend Mariah.

Mariah (Mariah)
Mariah (Mariah)
I call my chin Mariah.

Mariah (Mariah)
I call---my chin---Mariah.

There now, wasn't that fun? Ready for another? Good. Only this time, Harriet would like to hear a little more from the tenor section, you're a bit weak. And sopranos, watch your pitch please, you tend to be sharp on the high notes.

Somewhere Overembellish
(sung to the tune of Somewhere Over the Rainbow)

Somewhere overembellish
Adverbs fly.
Adjectives that you dare to write
Really clarify.

Someday I’ll write the perfect line
That editors cannot malign,
They’ll loove me.
They’ll offer me a big advance.
My agent she will do a dance
Because they looooove me.

Somewhere overembellish
Adverbs fly.
Adjectives that you dare to write
Really clarify.

If happy little adverbs fly
Upon the pages,
Whyyyyy, oh, whyyyyy cannnnnnn’t I?

I don't know about you, but I got a little misty on that last one. I guess I'm just an old softy. Well, this has been swell, hasn't it? We'll have to do it again sometime. You bring the comb and waxed paper, Harriet will make iced tea.


At Friday, September 15, 2006 8:50:00 PM, Blogger ZaPaper said...

Hi Gloria! Thanks for the comment. I did almost hear you typing from across the Pacific, or would have if there weren't so much construction noise here. Yes, I ate the eyeball fruit. Actually, it kind of had the same texture as an eyeball, sort of gelatinous on the outside with a hard center. (Okay, I confess I sometimes used to eat trout eye-balls. In some places they're a delicacy!). I enjoyed singing your adverb song to the tune of "Somewhere over the rainbow" though when I think about it, I probably don't use as many adverbs as I should. I generally spend my energy getting it all down any which way, I almost never thing about style at all...

At Thursday, September 21, 2006 1:37:00 PM, Blogger Netter said...

lol...oh man! Gloria, I love the last song but its not a fair judgement because I don't know the tune to the first song. I know I should, but its not coming to me.

Sorry I have not been around lately. I have been caught up in the land of Aunthood. Yes, and there is a shocker of a story in there too.


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